Dissociative Disorder causes repeated strong emotions

I have dreams about the most unusual things, I wake up expecting them to come true, “why that is not rational” I remind myself. I hold onto hope, the hope that there will be no worries, or concern about what else I could feel, but being content with what I am now feeling. That starts another cycle of events altogether.

I do not know why we hold onto past feelings so much, I hold onto bitterness, just because it is the only thing that reminds me of my biological father, Bailey, and a lack of finances. These things are best filed in my angry>resentful>bitter>should have been different> category. Now they do not have to be stored there at all, but because that is the most powerful and evoking of my senses, I tend not to file them in a passive category. I am still working on the outcome of all those situations.

I have other categories, but it should be different for every person. Not alot of people know how to categorize their feelings and place them in their perspective areas in life.
The best analogy I can think of is the comparison between a computer filing system vs. unsorted human emotions. In AA they say that you should take a moral inventory, well I did that but then I was left with a bunch of stuff that I had that I did not want associated with one another (ergo: separate but equal). So I took trips to the titty bar and placed that in the tasteless>curious>horny>mistake>forgiven area which has a happy ending and I can forget about it. I do not have to place that memory anywhere near the “good stuff.” I remember that it is there very rarely, because I try to stay in the now area of my brain rather than the past area. You almost have to file things in an area of actions also, like if you plan on taking an action due to this event. if yes store locally, if no store in archives.

I know that this may seem complicated and ultra weird, but I have found it useful. Some call it a http://www.issd.org/ Dissociative Disorder when not ordered correctly. Most have not ordered it correctly due to a lack of education on how to order thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, pain and love. Some say that all of these things are just chemicals in our brain and that we should not be effected by them beyond our control.

admin @ June 21, 2007